A little catch up.
Thoughts on community and feeling more settled. Plus a lotttt of books and a transitional outfit idea.
I’m coming to you on a slight delay this morning as there has been a lot going on! A few different social things, work deadlines, a video shoot, finishing taxes, etc. As I write this, the stone walls and coping are going up in my pool and I am getting really excited - I’m starting to be able to visualize it all coming together. Also, I just realized yesterday that Jaime turns one on Monday. How did that happen!?
I have felt happy lately. This is a small, simple thing… it sounds silly writing down actually, but on Wednesday night I had a work event and then went over my neighbor’s house for wine and it was such a nice thing. April 1st means three years in Charleston and I feel a lot more settled here.
There were so many good things about moving here but change is always hard. I think the biggest was (and still is) living near my parents. Having an adult friendship with my parents is truly the greatest gift). I feel anchored in a way I haven’t felt before. I also had a lot of close friends here already, so that made the transition easier.
The south has its own codes of conduct and mannerisms that are so different from New York. I constantly worried (and still worry at times!) about messing up. I’ve talked about that here. The other thing was my apartment I never complained about it as on paper it was so NICE but my first home here (the apartment building) never felt like home. A friend once referred to it as my “corporate housing” and that as spot on. While I did a pretty good job decorating it (thanks to Erin), it always felt a little soulless and temporary. If I were doing it again I would have tried to find something a little cozier, a little more me.
When I moved into my house, I started to feel a bit more at home. It was the first time in a very long time where I’d felt a sense of permanence. The house itself felt so perfect (and still does). I remember walking in and just getting this overwhelming feeling in my body, that I had found my home and I was right where I was supposed to be. (Of course, let’s be real: I was also an anxious ball of nerves from the minute I put in an offer).
I wrote this post about making friends as an adult and I laugh because it has some very valid points but I can also be lazy about making new friends. Lazy is maybe a bad word choice. I have limited energy for activities and big social events. I get anxious in large groups. I get claustrophobic and stick to the edges of parties and dinner tables. I can only handle social plans a few nights a week or I get grumpy. I also just love being at home and never feel lonely in my own company.
There is also the problem of being an online person. Sometimes people will want to be friends with Grace-the-influencer because of how I present on instagram, etc. That person is still me of course, but I’m in the comfort of my home, alone, cozy, babbling to the camera in safety and solitude. When I am out in the world I am a lot more reserved and quiet. Making a new friend can be daunting. Do they like the person on the internet or the actual me? Would I be invited to xyz event/party if I had no instagram presence? These are real concerns!
I am rambling but the two things that got me out of my comfort zone were a) joining my local gym and b) volunteering to host a party for Spoleto (our big arts/music festival) last year.
Spoleto led to making a slew of new friends with similar interests in art and music. And then being invited to be a part of the planning committee for the young patrons group was a huge honor and very in line with how I want to spend my time when I think about getting involved, giving back, and supporting the arts. It also gave me more confidence — being included, being asked to help.
The gym thing is funny. Prior to this I never had friends at the gym. I used to be all business at the gym. Get in, get the spot I want (back row), stretch, get out, get back to work. Now, I linger and chat. My gym friends have become real friends and it is wonderful! I think that what helped to form these friendships is a certain vulnerability. I am terribly uncoordinated. I never look cute at the gym. I am probably unrecognizable from social media. Usually sweaty and red with a halo of frizz as I stumble over even the most basic choreography. The gym is and always has been a humbling place. But that vulnerability led to a “My god that was hard,” which turned into maybe sharing a book recommendation or complimenting a cute coat… which turns into, “want to grab a drink this weekend?” which turns into “I’m having a party, you should come” which eventually, turns into real friendship.
It isn’t the big things and events that invite this sense of community. It’s the little stuff. Meeting a girlfriend for walks. Shared vulnerability. A 9pm text from a neighbor with an invitation for wine. Being invited to a party and just being totally present, having my phone in my purse, not taking any photos. Etc.
All of this is just to say that feeling settled, feeling a sense of community… it feels really nice. If you feel untethered, especially in a new city, my best advice is to give it time. Try to get involved in things that interest you and don’t be dissuaded if it takes time. I am three years into a new city and just starting to feel a sense of home.
Have a great weekend! xx
On The Stripe (my blog!) this week.
Inspired by the Swans! My thoughts on the show plus some swans-inspired pieces.
My essential travel beauty products. I have my travel beauty routine down to a science… my tips and tricks plus the products I am never without!
Florals for spring. (Prepare to want everything!)
When to apply vitamin C serum (+ my favorites, and what makes this ingredient so fantastic!).
…I also gave this fresh ginger margarita recipe from nine years ago a refresh. Still one of my most favorite cocktails to make. IT IS SO GOOD!
This Week in Reading:
SO MANY BOOKS - it was a big week of reading! Rottenkid was a bit of a bottleneck; once I finally finished with it, I tore into a bunch more exciting books. Longer reviews of everything can be found in The Library!
I (finally) finished Rottenkid, by Brigit Binns. This is her memoir and my net takeaway was that unless you are familiar with Binns and want to know more about her life, you can skip it. It was a slog for me.
Listen for the Lie, by Amy Tintera. This was a really fun thriller. I read it in a single Saturday afternoon which turned into evening. A young woman (and murder suspect) teams up with a true crime podcaster to find out what really happened to her best friend (even if she’s the one who killed her).
Annie Bot, by Sierra Greer. I read this in a day as well (it was a two book weekend, my fav). It’s charming and fun but also very feminist and smart. I absolutely loved it.
The Women, by Kristin Hannah. I read this in two days! I have a love hate thing with Kristin Hannah and wasn’t sure I’d like the subject matter (it’s about Vietnam) but my mother gushed about it. Overall I really enjoyed it. The first half was better than the second!
I am now reading Dolly Alderton’s Good Material. I am not sure about this one. I may DNF. It has gotten so much acclaim but I am kind of bored? If you’ve read it, let me know if I should keep going!
On the audio front, I finally finished Filterworld! This is an absolute must in my book. It really makes you think about the power of algorithms (and not just with instagram: with everything from Air BnB to Spotify and beyond). The first chapter is a little slow (it’s about the concept and history of algorithms) and you could skip it and be fine. The rest is amazing. HIGHLY recommend!
A Reader Question!
(if you have a question for a future newsletter, please email grace@thestripe.com - it helps if you are specific and include budget, your personal style, etc.)
Q. I'm heading to Europe with my husband this spring, where the weather should be cooler (40s-low 50s). Any great transitional sweaters or outfits that embrace the fact that it's springtime but also cooler? I tend to go for more classic looks (Madewell, J. Crew, etc.) but have been eyeing some fun things from Anthropologie
A. Right now my favorite easy outfit recipe is loafers, a kick flare jean/pant, a button down, and a sweater over my shoulders. I think this would be perfect for your trip.
Loafers: Boden of course but I also just got these from J.McLaughlin and love them.
Kick Flares: my fav Madewell jeans, the J.Crew kick flares (best affordable alt to High Sport I’ve tried, take your usual size!)
Button Down: The Sezane Max shirt — this runs large but I take my usual size as I like the oversized fit.
Sweaters (these are all excellent transitional sweaters!): Splendid x Cella Jane, La Ligne Marin (use GRACE10 for 10% off your first order), Jenni Kayne cotton fisherman
I feel you about being "lazy" about new friendships. After a friendship breakdown last year (it was petty and immature, I don't have time for this in my late 30s!), I've been wanting to find new people who share more of my interests and are in the same stage of life, but haven't really made any effort to actually do it. Something to work on for sure.
About reading, do you have a great attention span and/or are a fast reader? I typically can't read more than 1.5h at a time, but would love to be able to do more.
I did not like Good Material - nothing against the quality of the writing, and I really enjoy Dolly’s work generally, but it felt like being stuck on a mediocre online date. There’s a narrative shift about 85% of the way through, so you could always skip ahead, but it made me feel even more like “why was this written the way it was?!?!”