Social Anxiety + an Internal Pep Talk.
Also: what I read last month, cute rain boots, fall style under $200, & more.
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On Monday morning I was stressed. I woke up late (probably because my body needed rest!). I was mad at myself for sleeping in, annoyed by how messy my house had gotten, and thinking about all of the work I needed to get done. September was really heavy on travel and that is when things tend to slip! The mail pile gets bigger, the clutter accumulates. I start to feel like a my internal wiring is all scrambled. Plus I was throwing a party (yesterday) and then leaving the next day for a trip.
I am going to be a little bit vulnerable here: in some ways, Charleston’s social scene still terrifies me a little. In New York, I had social anxiety but still had it (relatively) down. Parties never felt like a huge deal. I didn’t worry what I was wearing as much, as everyone would be wearing a wide range of things (from jeans to dresses to crazier stuff). If you had people over, no one judged your house because even a crappy one bedroom is a bajillion dollars. If you sat in the corner all night talking to one person, no one cared or noticed. I didn’t worry much about social niceties as people there are very direct. I didn’t worry or question whether people liked me, because you just knew. If you don’t like someone, you don’t spend time with them. Frankly, you probably forgot about them because you didn’t even see them! Charleston is smaller, so you see everyone. Everyone is really nice and friendly (but sometimes you wonder if they are just being nice and secretly taking pity on you or thinking you are horrible).
I want to stress that I don’t feel this way in my everyday life, just with larger events. In my everyday life I spend most of my time with my family and a couple core groups of friends that I love and trust. I have amazing friends here; this isn’t about that. But as I said to my coworker, “I think every time I have a party I just think about how small Charleston is and that I will mess something up and everyone will hate me and/or walk away saying “oh, bless her heart.”
It is what it is and I know it will pass as I live here for longer. It will be 3 years in April which is a while but still not very long. I haven’t even been in my house a full year! I know that it will get better with time but sometimes feel like such an alien. I try to give myself grace here; I am still finding my bearings and figuring it out.
I am making Charleston sound bad but I don’t want to do that as I truly love it here. The weather, my family, my friends, being in a city that is close the beach, my house! The quality of life is unparalleled. Everything has its tradeoff and sometimes (especially after spending time there), I miss New York where life was harder (the weather! no laundry! no dishwasher!, and there is a a general lack of space (crowds + living in a smaller space) but social stuff was easier. I also wonder if the pandemic made it worse and it would be bad anywhere. Or if it has to do with age. Who knows!
I decided to slow myself down, take a step back, and talk to myself how I’d talk to a girlfriend. I said, “Let’s reframe. Feel your feelings. Really, though: this is All SO FUN and the party is going to be amazing!” I told her to look long and hard at the week’s schedule/to-do list and remove anything that would add extra stress. To give herself permission this week to do the bare minimum (keep brand partners happy, respond to readers, complete any sponsored posts) but that anything else could go. Top priorities would be getting enough sleep, feeling healthy and happy, getting the house clean and being ready for the event.
After that little chat with myself, I felt a lot better. Sometimes the key really is that simple: talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.
I can’t tell you how the party was (I’m sure it will be all over my Instagram) as I wrote this newsletter the morning of, but hopefully I relaxed and just had FUN.
On The Stripe (my blog!) this week.
We started out the week with a big post with everything I read in September. It was a good month of reading. I would love for you to come over to the blog and share what books you are loving or what you read last month (especially if you have thriller recs by POC).
On Tuesday, I posted what I think is a pretty amazing roundup of great wardrobe staples, under $200. I have and own most of these pieces.
And then: my weekly outfit diary, and a recipe for my mom’s chocolate cake (the best!).
This Week in Reading:
As I mentioned last week, I was reading Bright Young Women by Jessica Knoll. I finished it on Monday night and wound up really loving it. I struggled in the beginning but I’m glad I persevered: it was excellent (her best so far, IMO). I have gone down a rabbit hole, fascinated by which parts are real and which parts are fiction. This interview with Knoll is interesting.
I am reading 3 books right now!
Age of Vice (Deepti Kapoor) came highly recommended by my friend Becca. So far, it is excellent; I have had a hard time putting it down. It begins with Ajay (a servant) being in a deadly car crash (him being the driver). We then go back to the beginning, with Ajay being young boy in India being sold to a family as a servant. Through a series of misadventures he winds up working for a crime family. We also meet Sunny, a notorious playboy and Neda (the journalist who loves him). I am still reading and have no idea where it is going but find the story completely captivating.
On the non-fiction front (I like to start my day reading non-fiction for 20 minutes or so), I am also reading Unreliable Narrator, by Aparna Nancherla. I have mixed feelings on this one. I ordered it after hearing her on a podcast about imposter syndrome (this one — an excellent listen!). But it’s more memoir than academic/self-help. I just want the nuggets of wisdom so I find myself skipping/speed reading through many of the personal anecdotes and stories to get to the more researchy stuff and lessons.
And then! Extremely Online by Taylor Lorenz showed up in the mail and all bets were off. I have read the first two chapters and am loving it. Taylor is a friend and an incredible journalist (really the first journalist to cover Internet culture and influencers as a beat) and the earlier parts are bursting with nostalgia. I’m bringing it to Lake Arrowhead this weekend and can’t wait to really sink my teeth in.
A Reader Question!
(if you have a question for a future newsletter, please email grace@thestripe.com - it helps if you are specific and include budget, your personal style, etc.)
I need to find a good pair of rain boots. They need to help me survive my walking commute in Manhattan. I'm looking for functional, but attractive. I have a high arch and typically need boots/booties with zippers. I usually go for black, but am open. Typically try to stay under 2" for the heel since I'm 6' tall. I love all your round ups to these questions and have been searching for a rain boot for months and nothing sticks out. Willing to spend up to $300.
Funny enough, a lot of people have been asking me for rain boot ideas. It is hard to find cute ones! I was not able to find very many options with a zipper (rain boots typically are just not made that way, but here are some thoughts.
My personal favorite: these black rain boots that don’t look like rain boots.
This pair from Kate Spade is fabulously fun (love the heel) and it does have a zipper!
Not a zipper but a lace up pair like these could help you get the perfect fit!
These are so fun, they look like patent leather.
People rave and rave about Blondo Boots (the consensus seems to be that they are waterproof and highly functional while still being cute) and this pair is great (doesn’t look like rain boots!). I like the lower heel.
Less cute than the other options but this pair has a zipper.
Thank you for this post - I think so many of us struggle with this! And if the party you are referring too is grossy pelosis’s cookbook party it looked INCREDIBLE!!!
Hi Grace! Totally relate to this post--getting “in” to any new group is extremely tricky.
Btw the link for the Kate spade boots is a repeat of the previous link. I’d love to see the heel on the KS ones! 💗