I feel you about being "lazy" about new friendships. After a friendship breakdown last year (it was petty and immature, I don't have time for this in my late 30s!), I've been wanting to find new people who share more of my interests and are in the same stage of life, but haven't really made any effort to actually do it. Something to work on for sure.
About reading, do you have a great attention span and/or are a fast reader? I typically can't read more than 1.5h at a time, but would love to be able to do more.
I did not like Good Material - nothing against the quality of the writing, and I really enjoy Dolly’s work generally, but it felt like being stuck on a mediocre online date. There’s a narrative shift about 85% of the way through, so you could always skip ahead, but it made me feel even more like “why was this written the way it was?!?!”
I DNF'd Good Material at around the halfway mark. I too was bore,d I couldn't bring myself to care about what happened. I listened to BOPs book club episode and am good with my decision to quit it.
I really appreciated reading your thoughts on vulnerability and friendship-making. I've been living in the same place with the same friends for decades, but as a new empty nester I've started making new friends which has been both surprising and lovely. I do agree that being vulnerable with new people helps kickstart friendships. A few months ago a woman I've lived across the street from for years (we were friendly but not friends who socialized) texted me out of the blue to ask if I wanted to go for a walk, or a drink, or just run errands together and it sparked an immediate friendship because it felt so comfortable, like something a good friend would text. And thank you for the book recs! You've become my book and floral dress guide!
I really struggled with Good Material - about halfway through I decided to start skimming because I'd heard that the end of the book was worth it. I do think that's true and recommend doing what you need to do to get to the end! The last section made up for the rest of the book in my opinion.
I feel that, I am so lazy with new friends. Not lazy as you said but perhaps I’m just fulfilled with the ones I have. Which is very nice and I’m very lucky.
"It also gave me more confidence — being included, being asked to help." I just loved this. I'm feeling unsettled after my recent move and I'm still looking for that sense of community and place...this gave me hope. And about the online you vs. real you - I can relate. I always stress about letting someone down when they meet me irl because I am really awkward/shy/dorky irl vs. how I write and present online.
I loved Good Material but it looks like I'm in the minority. I just loved the sense of humor in it!
I've heard so much buzz about Good Material! Interesting to hear your initial thoughts along with others echoing it in the comments. I do enjoy Kristin Hannah so I will have to add that to my library list.
I love your vulnerability about making friends. How interesting to not be sure if someone wants to be friends with you because of your internet version or to know if they genuinely like you. Social media is weird.
Great post! Great advice about moving to a new city! I moved to Barcelona almost 7 years ago. It definitely takes time to figure out who you are in a new environment.
Lovely reflections on friendships, community and making friends. I can relate to the unique position we find ourselves in as "online people." And even as I would consider myself a much more offline person now, it is still hard for me when making friends not to get in my head about it. Like do they want to be friends with me or "online me."
I think what you described at the gym is so on point. Friendships, especially close ones, take time to develop, and sometimes it's tiny little things, for me it's typically related to kid stuff now, but little chatter can turn into conversations which turns into playdates or do you want to try this yoga class which turns into do you want to come over and hang out.
Funny enough, we are also into our third year here, and what kept us here initially was the sense of community, even though we barely knew anyone. Now this (Vermont) feels like home, and it's because of so many people here being willing to extend that initial invite, conversation or hello, that might feel awkward or hard, but ultimately is what creates community. It's a good feeling.
I feel you about being "lazy" about new friendships. After a friendship breakdown last year (it was petty and immature, I don't have time for this in my late 30s!), I've been wanting to find new people who share more of my interests and are in the same stage of life, but haven't really made any effort to actually do it. Something to work on for sure.
About reading, do you have a great attention span and/or are a fast reader? I typically can't read more than 1.5h at a time, but would love to be able to do more.
I did not like Good Material - nothing against the quality of the writing, and I really enjoy Dolly’s work generally, but it felt like being stuck on a mediocre online date. There’s a narrative shift about 85% of the way through, so you could always skip ahead, but it made me feel even more like “why was this written the way it was?!?!”
I finished Good Material but wish I hadn’t. I say cut your losses. Even the ending didn’t live up to the hype.
I DNF'd Good Material at around the halfway mark. I too was bore,d I couldn't bring myself to care about what happened. I listened to BOPs book club episode and am good with my decision to quit it.
I really appreciated reading your thoughts on vulnerability and friendship-making. I've been living in the same place with the same friends for decades, but as a new empty nester I've started making new friends which has been both surprising and lovely. I do agree that being vulnerable with new people helps kickstart friendships. A few months ago a woman I've lived across the street from for years (we were friendly but not friends who socialized) texted me out of the blue to ask if I wanted to go for a walk, or a drink, or just run errands together and it sparked an immediate friendship because it felt so comfortable, like something a good friend would text. And thank you for the book recs! You've become my book and floral dress guide!
I really struggled with Good Material - about halfway through I decided to start skimming because I'd heard that the end of the book was worth it. I do think that's true and recommend doing what you need to do to get to the end! The last section made up for the rest of the book in my opinion.
Glad you are feeling so good after the big move. :)
I feel that, I am so lazy with new friends. Not lazy as you said but perhaps I’m just fulfilled with the ones I have. Which is very nice and I’m very lucky.
"It also gave me more confidence — being included, being asked to help." I just loved this. I'm feeling unsettled after my recent move and I'm still looking for that sense of community and place...this gave me hope. And about the online you vs. real you - I can relate. I always stress about letting someone down when they meet me irl because I am really awkward/shy/dorky irl vs. how I write and present online.
I loved Good Material but it looks like I'm in the minority. I just loved the sense of humor in it!
This was a lovely life update and it made me smile. Thank you for sharing it with us!
I've heard so much buzz about Good Material! Interesting to hear your initial thoughts along with others echoing it in the comments. I do enjoy Kristin Hannah so I will have to add that to my library list.
I love your vulnerability about making friends. How interesting to not be sure if someone wants to be friends with you because of your internet version or to know if they genuinely like you. Social media is weird.
I really liked this piece and your vulnerability!
Great post! Great advice about moving to a new city! I moved to Barcelona almost 7 years ago. It definitely takes time to figure out who you are in a new environment.
Try the audiobook for Good Material. It was laugh out loud funny and heartwarming. It's one of the rare books that is better in that format.
Lovely reflections on friendships, community and making friends. I can relate to the unique position we find ourselves in as "online people." And even as I would consider myself a much more offline person now, it is still hard for me when making friends not to get in my head about it. Like do they want to be friends with me or "online me."
I think what you described at the gym is so on point. Friendships, especially close ones, take time to develop, and sometimes it's tiny little things, for me it's typically related to kid stuff now, but little chatter can turn into conversations which turns into playdates or do you want to try this yoga class which turns into do you want to come over and hang out.
Funny enough, we are also into our third year here, and what kept us here initially was the sense of community, even though we barely knew anyone. Now this (Vermont) feels like home, and it's because of so many people here being willing to extend that initial invite, conversation or hello, that might feel awkward or hard, but ultimately is what creates community. It's a good feeling.
xx
Recommend DNY with any of the Dolly Aldertons, sorry.