Networking as an Introvert

Some thoughts on building connections when you have a limited social battery

People talk about networking like it should come naturally. Just “put yourself out there” and “show up” and magically, opportunities will follow. And sure, that works if you’re the kind of person who gets energy from a crowded room. As someone who wants to curl up and die at merely the mention of networking (same goes for the phrase “put yourself out there,” eesh), I am envious of those people.

I love people, I love helping, I love connecting, but I have limited social energy. I am easily overstimulated and am usually counting down until I get to leave the party (even if the party is really fun!). It’s funny because influencing started (for me, in 2010) as such a solitary thing. Sharing from behind a computer. But now you’re expected to go to conference after conference, dinners and luncheons . . . how did this quiet restorative thing become so social?

I realized early on that I needed a different playbook from the extroverts. And I can tell you with total confidence that you can build an army of connections and a big network without completely burning yourself out. Some of the best networking can be done from the comfort of your couch.

Know the difference between socializing and networking.

Emma Grede’s book Start With Yourself may be polarizing, but I love her brutal honesty. One thing she points out is that we sometimes confuse networking with socializing. And I think about that constantly, because it happens a lot where I live.

I don’t go to most influencer events in Charleston. If I had more free time and social energy, I’d go to more of them. I am an introvert. I am running a business. I am writing a book. I’ve taken on a few side projects (an app, a jewelry collab) that eat up whatever leftover time and energy I have. Plus there’s my family, seeing my friends, my relationship, life! My plate is stacked.

Most of those events fall squarely into the socializing category. They’re beautiful. The tables are gorgeous, the food is great. But for the most part, I am not paid to attend. I am rarely meeting anyone new or building my network. I am expected to be photographed, to post, to wear gifted product that may not be in line with my personal style. And I know my audience well enough to know that photos from a pretty dinner are not what they want to see from me.

Focus on one-on-one connections.

Here is what I will almost always say yes to: a one-on-one meeting with a brand I love.

When a brand founder or marketing team comes to Charleston and wants to sit down for coffee or a working lunch, that interests me. That usually results in genuine human connection, a deeper relationship. A real conversation where I learn something about their business and they learn something about mine. One of my favorite shirting brands did this a few months ago, and I walked away feeling like I had built a genuine, lasting connection with their team.

When I go to New York, I pack 48 hours with meetings and work things. Sure, there is friend time woven in, but I am working while I am there. I keep a running list (an actual list, in my Notes app) of people and brands I want to meet with, and I reach out to them when I know I’ll be in town. Some of those meetings turn into partnerships. Some turn into friendships. Some are just really interesting conversations that teach me something new. All of it feels intentional.

That is where introverts thrive: small groups, real conversations, a clear reason for being somewhere. We might not be great at working a room of 50 people, but put us across a table from one person we’re genuinely curious about and we will absolutely shine. I lean into that.

Lift people up from afar.

Here’s a secret about networking that nobody talks about: A lot of it can be done from your couch.

I may not go to your luncheon or your dinner, but (if it’s something I love!) I will post about your brand. I regularly send friends and professional contacts flowers to celebrate a win. I send handwritten notes. I text congratulations. I share their work in my Stories. I make introductions over email. I do all of this from the comfort of my home, in my pajamas, happy as a clam.

This works. People remember the person who sent flowers when they got a promotion. They remember who shared their launch when they didn’t have to. That kind of generosity builds relationships just as much as showing up at a dinner, maybe more. In many cases, being thoughtful is just as good (and maybe even better) than being physically present.

Be a connector.

This is the introvert’s secret weapon, and I don’t think enough people use it. Being a connector means you are the person who says, “Oh, you should talk to so-and-so, I think you two would really hit it off” or “I know someone who is doing exactly what you’re trying to do, let me introduce you.”

The goodwill this generates is enormous. Both people remember that you were the one who made it happen. And suddenly, you are someone who is deeply embedded in a network without ever having to work a single room.

I do this all the time. I connect founders with creators I think would be a great fit. I introduce friends who are in similar industries. I put people together who I think would just genuinely like each other. It’s one of the most valuable things you can do professionally, and it plays perfectly to the introvert’s strength: We are good listeners, which means we know what people need.

Learn to fake it (not who you are, but how you feel).

I know “fake it” sounds like it goes against everything I’ve always said about authenticity. But there is a difference between faking who you are and faking your energy level. I am not pretending to be someone I’m not when I walk into an event or party with a big smile and pose for the camera. I’m still me, just in high gear.

When I go on work trips, I mentally prepare for “on” mode. I know I’m going to be around people all day, I know I’m going to need to be engaged and present, and I know that it will cost me something. So I plan for it. I sleep well the night before. I give myself quiet mornings. I don’t stack social things on top of more social things without a buffer. I give myself an extra cushion of time between obligations and walk from meeting to meeting to clear my head (and get my steps). I locate the bathroom (or a quieter area) of a party early on so that I can have a place to chill out if need be.

And when the trip is over, I give myself a full recovery day when I catch up on all my TV, read for hours, and don’t see a soul. It’s glorious.

The key is knowing that the social you is temporary. You are not committing to a lifelong personality change. You are borrowing that energy for 48 hours, and then you are giving it back. That’s sustainable.

Our society values extraversion, and I’ve felt like a bit of a freak in the past. (I highly recommend reading Susan Cain’s book, Quiet, if you feel this way!) I try not to see my introversion as a character flaw, but a boundary (and in some cases, a superpower: I’m a really good listener and great at connecting people). You don’t have to go to every dinner. You don’t have to say yes to every event. You just have to be intentional about the ones you do say yes to, and lift up the people you care about in between.

Fellow introverts: Be strategic, be thoughtful, be generous.

(And then go home and recharge!) Xoxo

the most perfect day dress. It’s not as short in person (see it on me in this post)

This time of year, there’s nothing like a great white dress. There is something so chic and effortless about it. I personally own this maxi and this mini and love them both so much. I have an old button-front J.Crew mini that I reach for constantly (and desperately wish they would bring back as I know it will eventually yellow beyond repair).

If you are into linen, WNU has truly perfect mini dresses. They run true to size (no need to size up, even if you are tall). I have this v-neck in red and want the white, I love this boatneck too. GRACE10 should work on both. Last but not least, something nightgown-y. I just got this and plan to pair it with paracord sandals — I’m loving sporty-with-feminine right now.

PS - Even more perfect white dresses on this shelf, and you can browse our other trend round-ups here.

everything here is under $200!

Styling last-week’s best-sellers: three very cute outfits.

Summer faves under $200.

The Wednesday Ten: everything you need to know about this week.

I finished listening to Famesick, by Lena Dunham. I was pretty hard on it, mostly because of the medical stuff but the last few hours were perfect and I really turned around on it. I ultimately loved it. Dunham is so vulnerable about the cost of fame, about her relationships and friendships. She's an incredible writer and storyteller. My favorite parts were the early chapters about Girls, the later chapters about breaking up with her best friend, and all the bits about her parents — I love how close she is with them. It's hard to believe that she started writing (and filming) Girls when she was just twenty-three. Order on Bookshop.org

I read Mad Mabel, by Sally Hepworth, in a single 24-hour stretch. It was delightful (as Hepworth’s books always are. This one is about a crochety 81-year-old woman who lives in in a quaint little Melbourne neighborhood. When a neighbor turns up dead, her past (she was the youngest convicted murderer in Australia) catches up with her and she must finally tell her side of the story. Similar to books like The Maid, it’s part mystery, part heartwarming redemption story. I loved it. Order on Bookshop.org

After that, I absolutely flew through The Fine Art of Lying, by Alexandra Andrews. This was a Reese's Book Club pick, and if they choose a thriller, I will order it without knowing a thing. An art world thriller? Right up my alley. Clare is feeling a little lost: a stay-at-home mom with an unfinished PhD dissertation. When an acquaintance introduces her to a mysterious art dealer, an affair begins between the two of them. Things take a darker turn when she finds herself caught in a murder scandal—she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and all roads point to her as the killer. This has so many twists and turns that I found myself having to go back and re-read. I absolutely loved it! Order on Bookshop.org

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