Grace! You just described my week. Ugh. Doom scrolling is the worst and a great reminder to log off and set limits. Something I’m not great at but trying.
In regards to speaking out, I think we all need to have a bit more grace and empathy for everyone. It’s ridiculous to think you can have knowledge and opinion on every thing happening in the world. If you find something you’re passionate about supporting, you will do more for that cause/issue than trying to stay on top of everything and doing less across the board. Move the needle on things versus trying to reinvent or overhaul all at once. We’re getting now where when everyone thinks we need to blow it up to fix it.
And as someone who has shared ways to support MN (shoutout to my home state!) and links to enjoy in the same post I say you do you. We all need a bit of escape now and then and I enjoy when others share things they’ve read or enjoyed too. It’s a “this and” not “this or”.
People should remember the old adage "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." So many on the internet are out to prove they are morally superior to someone else when they are far from perfect themselves. It's not just in politics or anything politically-adjacent-- it's in effing everything. People can't even talk about a book they did or didn't like or the amount of books they read in a year without the "how dare you" crowd coming after them. These folks need to put their phone down and go outside. Maybe go to a local coffee shop or bar and have a conversation with an actual human. It's exhausting.
I think you’re doing a great job sharing the occasional political post and actionable things like where to donate or call reps. As a lifelong Democrat I agree that the expectation of perfection has really damaged our party. Another problem is allowing republicans to co-opt the media narrative. For example, their focus on transgender athletes which are such a minuscule percentage of the population while they literally allow the world to burn by rolling back climate change regulations that jeopardize the health of all children!
I feel like I could write an essay in response to this; mostly me saying thank you for the way you care and apologizing for the way that bites you in the butt. But I’m going to just say THANK YOU.
Ditto to Kelly's comment. Your perspective on all of this is so eloquent and good, and it reminds me of another adage: "Trauma is not a contest." We all cope, commiserate, and act in our own different ways, and disrespecting those ways just. Makes. It. Worse.
Thanks for posting about this, Grace! I can so relate to your doom scroll day timeline. I just wrote about this on my substack the other day (about whether creators need to or ‘should’ speak out) and I came pretty much to the same conclusion… that there’s no perfect answer and we all need to do what we need to do. I’ve been thinking a lot, though, about how my differently my guy creator friends have responded and reacted to all of this versus my women-creator friends. Overall, the guys I spoke to didn’t see what it had to do with their business/content and didn’t feel any need to post, donate, or share resources. Whereas me and my other women creator friends all felt the need to not to post, but state our values, donate portions of our revenue, etc. It’s something I want to give a lot more thought to and I think a really important nuance in our industry to discuss.
This is such an interesting observation! Admittedly I don't follow a lot of male creators and the ones I do are gay, so they do share resources, opinions, etc. Maybe it's because cis-het white men don't know what it's like to have their rights threatened and trod upon so they don't feel compelled to speak out?
I just want to let you know that everything that is going on that is ‘political’ is truly at its core about women’s rights & patriarchy & maybe that’s why you are feeling extra overloaded, it IS your passion.
But thank you for continuing to speak out whilst sharing beautiful content.
Appreciate your perspective on this and your vulnerability! I am not looking to change your mind, as your approach to this correlates to your business. But I would love to, without judgment, offer 2 of my thoughts.
1. I think the “loud left” braces a bit when we hear “this doesn’t impact me” or “I don’t know enough about this to have an option”. Only because, for so many of us as women/people of color, or less affluent, or LGBTQIA+, many of these issues are so interconnected we can no separate ourselves from them. That definitely doesn’t mean that you are expected to “know” everything about every world event. And it is very unfair that, as someone in the public space, you are expected to. But the framing of this as sort of “not my problem” (even if you’re not saying it in that blunt of a way) is hard to hear, as someone who might fall into many different marginalized groups. The idea that I can draw myself a warm bath and disconnect from these issues is not possible when browness and police brutality intersect, and then combine that with all the issues we face as women. You can’t detach one from the other.
It’s sort of the same idea as people saying “if Kamala was elected I’d be at brunch not dealing with any of this”! It just comes off as, we can ignore every systemic issue because it’s not affecting me. Hard to hear as a person marginalized by the systemic inequalities in this country. But again, you are doing so much (not using Amazon is huge!!!!). So this is not an attack, just how these comments may be perceived by “the loud left”.
2. I feel a lot of your own guilt and emotions are wrapped up in these world events. That you feel so intensely about what is going on is so ok and honestly needed in times when we are all so disconnected from each other. But centering your own guilt or exhaustion over the experiences again of marginalized communities is not the goal here.
I’m brown, my mom is white, and I spend a lot of time trying to get her out of her guilt spiral and into action. Heavy emotions like guilt can make us feel immobilized and helpless, when actually, as affluent people with access and resources we can do so much! Sitting around and just “feeling bad”, when so many people are on the ground taking action, is energy that can be redirected. Again, just a suggestion here. It’s not about repressing your emotions. The world is heavy right now. But it’s about not letting them dictate your actions. Like “the internet was mean to me today so I stopped caring about every issue that doesn’t affect me” = not productive. Where “I am in pain, and I feel helpless, but channeling that emotion into action towards someone who is already doing the work” = will help me feel better. The people directly impacted by [insert world atrocity] > my reaction (guilt, sadness) to the event.
Hi Leon, thank you for taking the time to write this. I really appreciate how thoughtfully you shared your perspective.
I want to be clear that “not my problem” is never what I intend to communicate. If anything, my struggle is the opposite. I tend to internalize everything and then get overwhelmed to the point where I’m not functioning well. But I hear you that language around detaching, disconnecting, or taking a bath can land very differently for someone who can’t step away from these issues because they are lived realities. That’s a really good perspective check and important for me to sit with.
You’re also right about guilt. It can become immobilizing, and immobilization doesn’t help anyone. My goal is never to center my own exhaustion over the experiences of marginalized communities, but rather to be honest about the emotional loops that can prevent me from being effective. For me, setting boundaries around doomscrolling and DMs isn’t about caring less, it’s about staying steady enough to continue showing up, donating, speaking when I feel informed, and supporting people doing real work on the ground.
I really value nuance and grace in these conversations, and I’m grateful you extended that to me here. Thank you for offering your perspective without judgment. I really appreciate it. 🤍
this is a really thoughtful response, Leon! Grace, I really appreciate this essay and you articulating your thoughts, and I also think what Leon has articulated is worth further consideration. I say this as a fellow middle-aged affluent (relatively) white woman who also has a lot of empathy and rage but not enough of it translates into real action.
I really appreciated your essay on doomscrolling and political (and what shouldn’t even be considered political!) posting. I’m not surprised, since I am such a fan of your IG and how/when you choose to use your platform to express your beliefs. I think you do such a great job but understand the intense mental load that can come with it! Enjoy IG breaks! I’ve been doing more of them myself and each time I’m shocked at how much better I feel.
“We will get so much further by doing everything we can to fight the good fight, but also giving each other grace and refraining from judging others.” Thank you 🙏 And I hope you take “delete IG” breaks — I had some really low points this past week and seeing you living always gives me a lift and makes me feel hopeful.
I just wish everyone could remember so many of us are “on the same side” and want the same things: humanity, dignity, love and respect. Let’s direct the vitriol to those who are violating and hurting people - and not each other! So well said Grace xx
Came over to your page because I read your comment on Emily Sundbergs 2024 “the machine in the garden” — I was SO outraged by the absolute class and conviction and grace (hehe) in how you responded. You perfectly articulated the ickyness I also felt. After reading this, my mind is made up: you’re a beautiful person. And a great writer too 😊 So glad to follow along! Xx
Grace! You just described my week. Ugh. Doom scrolling is the worst and a great reminder to log off and set limits. Something I’m not great at but trying.
In regards to speaking out, I think we all need to have a bit more grace and empathy for everyone. It’s ridiculous to think you can have knowledge and opinion on every thing happening in the world. If you find something you’re passionate about supporting, you will do more for that cause/issue than trying to stay on top of everything and doing less across the board. Move the needle on things versus trying to reinvent or overhaul all at once. We’re getting now where when everyone thinks we need to blow it up to fix it.
And as someone who has shared ways to support MN (shoutout to my home state!) and links to enjoy in the same post I say you do you. We all need a bit of escape now and then and I enjoy when others share things they’ve read or enjoyed too. It’s a “this and” not “this or”.
exactly! This AND! xx
Agree 100%!
People should remember the old adage "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." So many on the internet are out to prove they are morally superior to someone else when they are far from perfect themselves. It's not just in politics or anything politically-adjacent-- it's in effing everything. People can't even talk about a book they did or didn't like or the amount of books they read in a year without the "how dare you" crowd coming after them. These folks need to put their phone down and go outside. Maybe go to a local coffee shop or bar and have a conversation with an actual human. It's exhausting.
the “how dare you crowd!!” it’s so real!!!!!
I think you’re doing a great job sharing the occasional political post and actionable things like where to donate or call reps. As a lifelong Democrat I agree that the expectation of perfection has really damaged our party. Another problem is allowing republicans to co-opt the media narrative. For example, their focus on transgender athletes which are such a minuscule percentage of the population while they literally allow the world to burn by rolling back climate change regulations that jeopardize the health of all children!
great points all around!
I feel like I could write an essay in response to this; mostly me saying thank you for the way you care and apologizing for the way that bites you in the butt. But I’m going to just say THANK YOU.
aw thank you right back. xx
Ditto to Kelly's comment. Your perspective on all of this is so eloquent and good, and it reminds me of another adage: "Trauma is not a contest." We all cope, commiserate, and act in our own different ways, and disrespecting those ways just. Makes. It. Worse.
THANK YOU x2!
omg YES. thank you!
Thanks for posting about this, Grace! I can so relate to your doom scroll day timeline. I just wrote about this on my substack the other day (about whether creators need to or ‘should’ speak out) and I came pretty much to the same conclusion… that there’s no perfect answer and we all need to do what we need to do. I’ve been thinking a lot, though, about how my differently my guy creator friends have responded and reacted to all of this versus my women-creator friends. Overall, the guys I spoke to didn’t see what it had to do with their business/content and didn’t feel any need to post, donate, or share resources. Whereas me and my other women creator friends all felt the need to not to post, but state our values, donate portions of our revenue, etc. It’s something I want to give a lot more thought to and I think a really important nuance in our industry to discuss.
This is so interesting. Thanks for sharing!
This is such an interesting observation! Admittedly I don't follow a lot of male creators and the ones I do are gay, so they do share resources, opinions, etc. Maybe it's because cis-het white men don't know what it's like to have their rights threatened and trod upon so they don't feel compelled to speak out?
100% i think it has a LOT to do with it.
I think this is exactly it. Great point.
Wonderful post 💜
thank you!
Grace,
I just want to let you know that everything that is going on that is ‘political’ is truly at its core about women’s rights & patriarchy & maybe that’s why you are feeling extra overloaded, it IS your passion.
But thank you for continuing to speak out whilst sharing beautiful content.
Thank you :) xx
Grace, you’re doing it right!!
I second!
thank you. Trying my best <3
Appreciate your perspective on this and your vulnerability! I am not looking to change your mind, as your approach to this correlates to your business. But I would love to, without judgment, offer 2 of my thoughts.
1. I think the “loud left” braces a bit when we hear “this doesn’t impact me” or “I don’t know enough about this to have an option”. Only because, for so many of us as women/people of color, or less affluent, or LGBTQIA+, many of these issues are so interconnected we can no separate ourselves from them. That definitely doesn’t mean that you are expected to “know” everything about every world event. And it is very unfair that, as someone in the public space, you are expected to. But the framing of this as sort of “not my problem” (even if you’re not saying it in that blunt of a way) is hard to hear, as someone who might fall into many different marginalized groups. The idea that I can draw myself a warm bath and disconnect from these issues is not possible when browness and police brutality intersect, and then combine that with all the issues we face as women. You can’t detach one from the other.
It’s sort of the same idea as people saying “if Kamala was elected I’d be at brunch not dealing with any of this”! It just comes off as, we can ignore every systemic issue because it’s not affecting me. Hard to hear as a person marginalized by the systemic inequalities in this country. But again, you are doing so much (not using Amazon is huge!!!!). So this is not an attack, just how these comments may be perceived by “the loud left”.
2. I feel a lot of your own guilt and emotions are wrapped up in these world events. That you feel so intensely about what is going on is so ok and honestly needed in times when we are all so disconnected from each other. But centering your own guilt or exhaustion over the experiences again of marginalized communities is not the goal here.
I’m brown, my mom is white, and I spend a lot of time trying to get her out of her guilt spiral and into action. Heavy emotions like guilt can make us feel immobilized and helpless, when actually, as affluent people with access and resources we can do so much! Sitting around and just “feeling bad”, when so many people are on the ground taking action, is energy that can be redirected. Again, just a suggestion here. It’s not about repressing your emotions. The world is heavy right now. But it’s about not letting them dictate your actions. Like “the internet was mean to me today so I stopped caring about every issue that doesn’t affect me” = not productive. Where “I am in pain, and I feel helpless, but channeling that emotion into action towards someone who is already doing the work” = will help me feel better. The people directly impacted by [insert world atrocity] > my reaction (guilt, sadness) to the event.
Hi Leon, thank you for taking the time to write this. I really appreciate how thoughtfully you shared your perspective.
I want to be clear that “not my problem” is never what I intend to communicate. If anything, my struggle is the opposite. I tend to internalize everything and then get overwhelmed to the point where I’m not functioning well. But I hear you that language around detaching, disconnecting, or taking a bath can land very differently for someone who can’t step away from these issues because they are lived realities. That’s a really good perspective check and important for me to sit with.
You’re also right about guilt. It can become immobilizing, and immobilization doesn’t help anyone. My goal is never to center my own exhaustion over the experiences of marginalized communities, but rather to be honest about the emotional loops that can prevent me from being effective. For me, setting boundaries around doomscrolling and DMs isn’t about caring less, it’s about staying steady enough to continue showing up, donating, speaking when I feel informed, and supporting people doing real work on the ground.
I really value nuance and grace in these conversations, and I’m grateful you extended that to me here. Thank you for offering your perspective without judgment. I really appreciate it. 🤍
Thank you so much for the thoughtful response. I totally get where you’re coming from. So glad we got to discuss this :)
Me too :) Have a great weekend. xx
this is a really thoughtful response, Leon! Grace, I really appreciate this essay and you articulating your thoughts, and I also think what Leon has articulated is worth further consideration. I say this as a fellow middle-aged affluent (relatively) white woman who also has a lot of empathy and rage but not enough of it translates into real action.
Thank you both for the thoughtful discourse!
Really appreciate your support! Sometimes it can be hard as a brown woman to be heard, and you made me feel seen and heard!
I really appreciated your essay on doomscrolling and political (and what shouldn’t even be considered political!) posting. I’m not surprised, since I am such a fan of your IG and how/when you choose to use your platform to express your beliefs. I think you do such a great job but understand the intense mental load that can come with it! Enjoy IG breaks! I’ve been doing more of them myself and each time I’m shocked at how much better I feel.
i feel so much better when I am not on the app!
Fully agree Grace!
thank you!
So well said!
thanks!!
I needed to read this - thank you ❤️
thanks :) :)
“We will get so much further by doing everything we can to fight the good fight, but also giving each other grace and refraining from judging others.” Thank you 🙏 And I hope you take “delete IG” breaks — I had some really low points this past week and seeing you living always gives me a lift and makes me feel hopeful.
Thank you friend, and thanks for the initial inspiration for this post!
I just wish everyone could remember so many of us are “on the same side” and want the same things: humanity, dignity, love and respect. Let’s direct the vitriol to those who are violating and hurting people - and not each other! So well said Grace xx
YES x 1,000,000! Thanks for chiming in. :)
Came over to your page because I read your comment on Emily Sundbergs 2024 “the machine in the garden” — I was SO outraged by the absolute class and conviction and grace (hehe) in how you responded. You perfectly articulated the ickyness I also felt. After reading this, my mind is made up: you’re a beautiful person. And a great writer too 😊 So glad to follow along! Xx
Aw thank you! I’d forgotten about that piece (and the drama!) xx