Doomscroll Overload
Influencing during dark times, a hell of my own making!
This week, I felt wildly out of control and frazzled. Behind on work, late on deadlines to my accountant, a trip to New York that got moved out a week, a plumbing nightmare, follow-up emails from pretty much everyone in my work world being like, “Hey, just nudging this thing up!” (If you were one of the nudgers, I apologize.)
I blame the doomscroll. Not just the doomscroll, but how I choose to prioritize my time, especially any time I share something “political.” I use the word in quotes as I don’t consider talking about human rights, racism, ICE, the Epstein Files, and billionaires behaving badly to be political. Everyone I know is upset about these things. Somehow, outside my bubble of liberals and reasonable conservatives, these things have managed to become political.
Thursday and Friday of last week went something like this: a little hellscape spiral of my own making, if you will.
Scroll Instagram.
Get mad.
Share something “political.”
Spend the rest of the day in my DMs chatting with my followers about how awful things are, while occasionally arguing with a billionaire-defender rando.
Take on not only my sadness but also the sadness of the 500 people I DMed with. ( I have spent a lot of time in therapy working on this tendency, still a problem.)
Slump on sofa, unable to focus on work.
Crash out, need a nap around 6 p.m.
Stay up till midnight finishing blog and Substack content because I slogged through my feelings all day on Instagram (and needed that nap!).
I kind of forgot about this. The way that I can get so stuck in my inbox when the world gets heavy. I did this a lot during the pandemic because I didn’t really have much else to do. I could spend the whole day in this loop if left to my own devices.
I think a lot about if I am making any difference with what I share online, and I think that yes, I am . . . but not in the most obvious way. I am hardly changing hearts and minds. I am mostly screaming into an echochamber of people who more or less agree with me. I think my real influence is that when other creators see me post, they feel more comfortable posting. And that’s why I do it (besides the screaming feeling in my body that tells me I can’t be silent). I do it for the ripple effect.
But it is a tricky line to walk. On the one hand, creators are not political commentators. I built my following by sharing honest, vetted recs (not by being well-versed and eloquent about world events).
If I am being totally honest, at times I have gotten tired of being so outspoken because I’ve been slammed with whataboutism. I’ve been pressured to comment on things I’m not equipped to comment on. “You were so outspoken about George Floyd,” someone would say. “Why aren’t you commenting on this international situation? Obviously you hate [insert XYZ group of people] and don’t care.” Calling me a horrible person, honestly . . . blaming me a little bit?
That being said! If there is something I feel really knowledgeable and passionate about (women’s rights, for example), I’m going to share my stance. Most importantly, when it is something I feel I can influence change through (like endorsing a political candidate I believe in, signing a petition, encouraging calling reps, or hosting a fundraiser), I will post my little heart out. But I don’t think it is right to expect a creator to comment on every single issue. Demanding perfection is where (in my eyes) the left is going wrong. (I probably don’t need to say this, but I say it as someone planted firmly on the left.)
Progress > perfection. I don’t think billionaires should exist. I think Jeff Bezos is a trash human. I cut out Amazon fashion last year, but I still shop at Shopbop and Saks and many of the other places Amazon has its hands in (it has its hands in everything!). But I sleep better knowing I am sharing high-quality recommendations vs. stuff that will likely wind up in a landfill. I walk to my bookstore to get my books now, but I ordered a pressure-washer from Amazon a few months ago, as I needed it fast and as a non-driver was not going to take an Uber to Lowe’s to buy one. There are other exceptions, like friends who self-publish their books using Amazon’s tools, or small businesses like Daysie. (My friend Tara, the founder, has a full-time job, but Amazon’s tools allow her to automate most of her side hustle.) I don’t want to support billionaires, but I do want to support authors and small business owners. If everyone just cut back, we’d make an enormous difference. But getting mad because someone isn’t perfectly adhering to your standard of goodness? That’s only going to isolate the people that would otherwise be your allies.
There was some Substack drama earlier this week. I missed it, but Hey Mrs. Solomon on Style posted about it. Some creators were criticizing other creators for making a statement about world events and then carrying on with a list of links or distraction-worthy items. There was even criticism about those who donated portions of their affiliate income. I get it, it’s cringey and inelegant. But I think these complaints are unproductive and lacking in nuance. I’d rather save my judgment for this administration (and those directly supporting it). What happened to the concept of both-and? We can want to influence change, make a difference, and take action . . . we can also want to shop, sit in the bath, read a murdery or romantic book, and look at pretty things to reset.
I commented on Rachel’s post:
“My head is still spinning from the past few weeks. All any of us can do is do our very best. I for one, am all for creators continuing to post (except on the blackout day ofc), and donating a portion of their income! We need a balance of escapism and action items.
Expecting perfection (or for folks to not do their job) is unrealistic and will ultimately turn people off from saying anything at all. That is what we don’t want. I read an article about the “purity test” culture the left has taken on, and I think it’s really accurate. Why not encourage people to speak up, to do their best . . . vs. disparage them because they aren’t perfect? We will get a LOT further with a million imperfect soldiers than a thousand perfect ones.
So yes, the Internet is going to be a little bit whiplashy, but so is life right now and we need distractions. And if those distractions can allow someone to donate more? Awesome.”
Guys. If we are going to get anywhere, we have to stop attacking each other. Wouldn’t you so much rather someone post and say something than just blithely carry on with their job? It is awkward, but it beats the alternative. And if allows them to make a donation and actually help? Even better.
By Saturday morning, my doomscroll cycle had become too much. I had to take an Instagram break. It scares me a lot how much both my happiness, stress levels, and productivity levels can be impacted by this app. I was back online this week, but I set limits on how much time I spend in my DMs. It’s 30 minutes a day or I won’t have new blog posts, Substack letters, or much else to show for myself.
We will get so much further by doing everything we can to fight the good fight, but also giving each other grace and refraining from judging others. And if you find yourself in a doomscroll spiral, I heartily recommend deleting Instagram for a few days, getting outside, getting your steps, and taking a hot bath. (I’m taking my own advice here!) Xo
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An edit of beautiful brooches. This trend sparks joy.
The Up Next Edit: Carly’s Gen-Z-approved list.
An Activewear Refresh. What I’m wearing to the gym right now.
Under $200 Finds. The sneakers!!!
PS - Brooch styling tips!
I gobbled up the new Freida McFadden, Dear Debbie, in a couple of sittings. I am hesitant to critique McFadden as she is the queen of plot (she always manages to surprise me!) and seemingly cranks out a few books every year. The writing is on the simpler side, but I am beginning to realize it’s just her style. This delivered, with several surprises. Debbie is a middle-aged woman who writes an advice column. But lately, anything that can go wrong does: her husband keeps secrets, she gets fired from her job, and her teenage daughters are adrift. It’s time to take matters into her own hands and stop taking the high road. Order on Bookshop.org.
After that, I read In Her Defense, by Philippa Malicka, as I had seen it was Reese's Book Club’s February book. OMG. Favorite read of 2026 so far. Thriller friends, you must read this. Unputdownable. So suspenseful and twisty (with beautiful writing), I couldn’t stop reading. It was my first A+ book of the year. Beloved TV star Anna Finbow is in court, accusing her daughter Mary’s therapist Jean of brainwashing her. As the trial unfolds, Augusta “Gus” (Anna’s former employee) may hold the key to resolving the case, if she can bring herself to speak up. Set between the English countryside, a courtroom, and beautiful Rome, it is equal parts transportive and suspenseful. While the plots are very different, the suspense and intonations around class feel similar to The Talented Mr. Ripley. Order on Bookshop.org
Grace! You just described my week. Ugh. Doom scrolling is the worst and a great reminder to log off and set limits. Something I’m not great at but trying.
In regards to speaking out, I think we all need to have a bit more grace and empathy for everyone. It’s ridiculous to think you can have knowledge and opinion on every thing happening in the world. If you find something you’re passionate about supporting, you will do more for that cause/issue than trying to stay on top of everything and doing less across the board. Move the needle on things versus trying to reinvent or overhaul all at once. We’re getting now where when everyone thinks we need to blow it up to fix it.
And as someone who has shared ways to support MN (shoutout to my home state!) and links to enjoy in the same post I say you do you. We all need a bit of escape now and then and I enjoy when others share things they’ve read or enjoyed too. It’s a “this and” not “this or”.
People should remember the old adage "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." So many on the internet are out to prove they are morally superior to someone else when they are far from perfect themselves. It's not just in politics or anything politically-adjacent-- it's in effing everything. People can't even talk about a book they did or didn't like or the amount of books they read in a year without the "how dare you" crowd coming after them. These folks need to put their phone down and go outside. Maybe go to a local coffee shop or bar and have a conversation with an actual human. It's exhausting.