Getting Back to What Matters.
Thoughts on who I'm actually writing for. Plus pretty patterns, breezy tees, apéro hour and some very good book recs.
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hello! I hope you had a great week. I’m off to LA today.
Last week there was a viral essay that made a lot of people feel a lot of things.
I left a comment telling the author how it made me feel and wasn’t quite prepared for the reaction to my reaction, just to my comment on her post. I was overwhelmed so I can’t imagine how Sundberg felt. I felt like the inadvertent spokesperson for influencers and “bad” writers. Just call me Lady Lowbrow. ;)
Personal irritations aside, I do believe that Sundberg made a lot of great points about the sameness of Substack, the content the algorithm prioritizes (my notes tab is honestly awful and has been for a while)… and what happens when you start writing to monetize vs. IDK, writing to… write! This post isn’t meant to stir up any further drama, truly! It is however, about how her piece made me think a little differently.
Having had a little distance, I realize now that the essay triggered some long-standing insecurities I have about my job as an “influencer.” I am careful to say my job as an influencer rather than calling myself an influencer. Sure, influencing and content creation is how I make a living but my job is just a small facet of my identity.
From the moment sponsored content was a thing, from the moment we all started sharing our daily outfits and ramblings… (and the horror: making a living out of it), there has been criticism. Most of it is super misogynistic. Being an ‘influencer” is far from a prestigious career. The connotations: lazy, entitled, narcissistic, egomaniacal, ne’er do wells… doing the bare minimum, snapping selfies, contributing nothing to society, while making “millions!” To use NY Mag’s approval matrix, we’d be hard bottom left: despicably lowbrow.
This is hard! I have a thick skin but also want to be respected. With longevity, I’ve gotten better at tuning out the noise, but I’d be lying if I said that’s easy to do.
Prior to moving my newsletter to Substack last September, I rarely thought critically about my newsletter. It was a fun Friday thing I did with the sole objective of providing my readers with a little bit of joy (while also getting them to go to the blog in case they missed my posts that week). I wrote for my audience. I have a very solid handle on what content my audience likes to see (and what they don’t). I am in the trenches of my DMs, my inbox, my Facebook group every day and I feel like I genuinely know so many members of this community. I write for my audience.
I thought I’d share two lessons I’ve learned from over the years, and now a new one. Older lessons first:
My social media (and Substack, blog, etc) is not for my friends. If my friends read my blog, Substack, or engage with my social media or say something nice about it, don’t get me wrong: I am super flattered and psyched… but they are not my audience. I don’t ask them what they think of it and I don’t want to know. If my social media were for my friends, I’d be a lot more in my head about it. I post cringey reels. I gush about clothes and beauty products ad nauseam. I think most of my friends would be annoyed if they were to read every post, watch every reel, etc. It is a lot of content!
But also, my social media is not for the snarkers. Years ago I would look at Reddit and snark sites under the guise that all “feedback” is good feedback but I had the realization that the people on the snark sites actually represent the smallest, tiniest percentage of my audience. Narrowing in on two mean comments when you have a hundred people saying such genuinely earnest nice things is really stupid. Bad for creativity, bad for business. Tuning them out was really, really good for both my creativity and my business.
And now, a new rule:
My Substack is not for “Substack,” it’s for my community. The notes page and other elements of Substack’s algorithms has made me too aware of the “cool kids” here, the people who were here first (oh my god can we stop lamenting who was first!?), the more serious journalists, etc. There are people in this world that will 100% find me despicably lowbrow. This is not for them!
Honestly? Wow. This feels very freeing!
I am in a Substack writers’ group and it has been the best thing, a bit like having coworkers.
One thing that was wondered within the group was, “how many of our subscribers even know what Substack is?” Are they active on Substack or just opening our emails in gmail? If you are active on Substack and not someone who just opens up my letters in email, you know about the platform’s other tools. The notes function (like twitter), the chats (like a Facebook group), etc.
I would love it if you’d click through the below poll and vote. (If your answer is more nuanced, please leave a comment!).
but also, while you’re clicking on poll: do you use the mobile app?
And because Substack (the platform, not the reach of its newsletters) is still relatively small, this notes section is a bubble of mostly writers/publishers talking to each other vs. writers talking to their readers (this is all feeling very circular, I hope I’m making sense).
That is where the problem is for me. I have begun thinking entirely too much about the opinions of those other writers vs. the opinions of my audience.
It’s time to tune out the noise. I’m already spending a lot less time in Substack’s “notes” section. It used to be a cool way to discover new creators but lately it feels stressful, mean, chaotic, full of stuff I don’t care about. I’ve muted anyone’s notes where the person is mean. Please note: I didn’t mute Emily (the author), there is no beef between us (at least on my side: I don’t know her personally but I felt she handled my response and all the others super graciously). I did mute a lot of other people who wrote some pretty scathing stuff in their own notes.
I don’t write for my friends. I don’t write to go viral. I’m honestly not great at creating the shareable content all best practices seemingly want us to write. I don’t write for the cool girls, I don’t write for the serious journalists, and I certainly don’t write for the snark sites. I write for you (though you are all very cool in my eyes!), my core readers, the people who open my newsletter each week and love what I do. And when I think about that, writing for “my people” and no one else, that gets me excited!
I will always push myself as a writer, creative, and content creator, working to grow my skills like we talked about last week… but also focusing on what matters: my readers, the people who enjoy what I am doing, the more personal content, etc. Sometimes it’s going to be lists, sometimes it’s going to be a little bit “dear diary!” but it’s always going to be very me. Getting back to me, writing for me and for you.
Thank you for being here, thank you for reading. I know this was a longer one!
PS- my friend sent me this and it made me cackle.
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On The Stripe (my blog!) this week.
My favorite edit in a bit. Print & pattern play! I love all these gorgeous patterns and prints.
A little apéro hour. Tips & tricks for an easy friend hang, great acrylic glassware, and (yum!) a super easy frittata recipe.
The best breezy tees! A very thorough edit with thoughts from both Carly and myself.
This Week in Reading:
I read The Grace Year by Kim Liggett in a single day (I was sick) and absolutely loved it. Loved it. It was pitched to me as if The Handmaid’s Tale and The Hunger Games had a baby (maybe with a side of Mean Girls). Wow. It is one of those powerful books that you can’t put down; it really stuck with me! It is YA but the kind of YA that’s also written for adults.
I am currently reading The God of the Woods by Liz Moore. This is the sort of book you want to savor, the type of book that makes you annoyed you have to work and/or have social plans. All I want to do is read! It is truly excellent. I am only a little over a hundred pages in but am hoping I have some free time on my flight today to read more.
On audible I am listening to The Demon of Unrest by Erik Larson. This is so good. It’s def better (for me) as a listen as I do better with non-fiction on audio but wow. Even as a “not into war books/films” person, I love it. I’m learning a lot about Charleston’s (not so great) history, along with salacious and entertaining bits. And of course the war itself. I’m only 5 hours in with 12 to go but highly recommend.
I have so many thoughts about the original essay you shared. My biggest question is why can't Substack be different things to different people? I enjoy a listicle just as much as an essay and recognize the work that go into both. Reading one versus the other doesn't have to define who I am as a reader. Also, sometimes those essays are way too long and I really don't think scrolling into the oblivion of a website or app is the reader-friendliest format for them. Shorter essays and lists are much easier to digest online, which I think speaks to how the writer understands their audience.
I love that you shared who you are actually writing for too. I try to write for me too and if that resonates with others, that's all the better! I'll choose connection and authenticity over going viral any day of the week. There is a lot to say about bonding over "silly little lists and recommendations" as women that original essay managed to skim over. But I think the biggest thing is realizing it's not silly. It's thoughtful and does provide a way for people to connect. Your blog, Facebook group, and this Substack are all wonderful examples of that, Grace. ❤️
I'm a middle-aged, former stay at home mom turned part-time preschool teacher on Daniel Island (not exactly a hip demographic) and reading your content makes me feel a just a little bit cooler. I've read books you've recommended, tried new restaurants around town, added some really cool pieces to my wardrobe, and even learned about a local political candidate from you!
We obviously get bombarded with so much content but yours stands out from the rest. You write from a genuine place and that is a unique quality these days. Getting one of your emails in my inbox reminds me of the days when I would get a new issue of my favorite magazine in the mailbox. Your writing brings happiness to people. In today's world, that's important work.