Summer Malaise

It’s July in Charleston, it’s 97 degrees, and I have given up.

Here’s a little confession for you: For the past few weeks (really, since the air conditioner broke), I haven’t wanted to do much of anything. Important emails sit in my inbox, unreplied to, my manager has had to follow up with me way more than she ever has to get answers, I’m finding myself up late finishing the next day’s blog post (I typically work a full week out). My ambition seems to have taken a summer hiatus.

I am trying not to feel guilty about this. I am pretty ambitious, so I recognize this for what it is: a lull. Frankly, it’s a good time to have one. July is always one of my slowest months, and I have exactly one brand deal to speak of right now (a small one at that: just a sponsored mention in tomorrow’s Saturday Group Text). My inbox is quiet. My calendar is quiet. Most of my friends are away, and the only social plans I’ve had have been with my parents.

The Ebb and Flow of Ambition

My drive, apparently, is also quiet. I have not felt like having my picture taken. I have not wanted to get gussied up, put on makeup, blow out my hair. I’ve let my hair go wild and do its thing. Most days, when I look at myself in the mirror I feel like it’s 1999 and I’m a teenager on Cape Cod. Frizzy hair, vintage track shorts, graphic tee. It’s a good day if I wear my jewelry.

Honestly? I don’t hate it.

Writing is the thing that brings me the most joy and I have not felt like doing that. I’ve fallen behind on getting Substack essays to my editor, fallen behind on (completely made up, internal) book writing deadlines. What I want, really, is to sit in my robe and read books, eat ripe, juicy peaches, and lounge in my pool until my fingers prune. Then I want to come inside and take a nap while Girls reruns play in the background. Then some more reading, a bath, an early bedtime.

A lot of this is just Charleston in July. If you’ve never spent a summer here, I will save you the trouble: It is hot in a way that makes hot days in New York feel like a breeze. The second you step outside, your moisturizer seeps out of your skin. The air is so thick and heavy you could cut it like a slice of cake. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to choke on it.

I leave my house in the morning to go work out and try not to go back outside until I do my after-dinner walk. Everything in between is just survival. Last Saturday, I made the mistake of going for an hour-long midday walk. The first 30 minutes were fine; the second half I was red-faced and panting. You would have thought I’d taken an intense hot yoga class or run six miles, looking at me. I could not cool off when I got home and had to lie down!

Summer in the South means learning to move slowly, because moving quickly in that kind of heat is how you end up standing naked underneath the vent in your coldest room (that’s my guest bathroom, if you were curious).

I’ve had this particular flavor of no-motivation before, and it shows up most reliably in summer. It’s almost a reverse-SAD situation. In past years, it’s gotten so hot that I’ve basically hibernated indoors, barely seen sunlight, and gotten a little low because of it. This isn’t depression; it’s a weird state of laziness that I’m not familiar with. I am genuinely happy. I feel good. I am sleeping well, I like my life, I am not dreading anything. I am however, hot, and have no desire to do anything productive.

For the first time in a while, I’m letting myself just not (to an extent). I have work to do each day, but I’m not going above and beyond. I’ve been doing just enough to get by. Getting my blog posts and Substacks written, slacking off with Instagram. The idea of getting dressed up to film a reel? Absolutely disgusting.

Us eldest daughters, those of us who derive our self-worth from our work ethic, who genuinely love our jobs . . . we can be bad at letting ourselves off the hook. We treat a slow season like a personal failing instead of what it actually is: a season. Nothing stays at full speed forever, not good moods, not busy seasons, not ambition. It ebbs. It flows. My ambition is a little out to lunch right now and I’m choosing to see it as a temporary state, something to maybe even savor a little bit.

I say “savor,” because I know my ambition will come back. It always does. I am not someone who stays horizontal for long, no matter how good the book is. Come September, when the air finally breaks, I will be back at it, probably annoyingly so. I’ll be gearing up for fourth quarter, complaining to you about how busy I am. I’ll have new ideas and a full social calendar. Being this unbothered will feel like a distant memory.

So for now, I’m going to keep reading my book by the pool. Eat ripe peaches over the sink like an animal, juices running down my face. I’m going to watch Hannah Horvath make questionable decisions and feel nothing but love for her. I’m going to take a bath every night and go to bed early. And I’m going to let my ambition stay wherever it’s vacationing, because I have a feeling it’ll be back before I even miss it.

If you’re in your own summer lull right now—hi, welcome! Grab a peach. You’re allowed to be here. Try to enjoy it, things will be busy again soon enough.

I feel like it was maybe 2011 or 2012 when all I wanted was a little leopard bag. Everything comes back because here I am, completely obsessed with this Parker Thatch cutie. I mean, isn’t she darling? I rationalize that she’s much less expensive than the Chanel dalmation pony hair bucket bag that’s haunted me. Also on my radar: this Liffner pushlock clutch, this Madewell cutie, this Zara maxi-bag. You’ll wear them now with white lace tops and denim, and all fall long with richer hues and jewel-tones.

PS - Even more on this shelf.

How to wear last week’s best-sellers: three cute outfits.

Carly’s guide to a bedroom refresh: her space looks so good.

The Wednesday Ten: the most important things to know about this week.

My skincare recovery kit: all the products I reach for after a procedure like micro-needling or a laser.

Eleven summer spritzer cocktails to make this summer: yum!

I can’t get over how much I read this week. I am almost embarrassed. I read three books over the weekend, finished an audiobook, and one was a Freida McFadden, which is a one-sitting kind of book for me.

London Falling, by Patrick Radden Keefe

I’ve been listening to this on Audible and finally finished it this week. It’s gotten quite a bit of buzz, but ICYMI - this is the true story of a 19-year-old boy in London who jumped off a building to his death. When his family went to investigate, they realized he had been masquerading as the son of a Russian oligarch and had gotten himself into quite a bit of trouble. I couldn’t believe it was true. Liked it!

Read this if you love: The Talented Mr. Ripley, true crime podcasts!

Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com

The Unknown, by Riley Sager (Out 8/4)

Riley Sager is a no-miss author for me. Most of the thrillers I read are more of the domestic thriller variety (more suspenseful than scary) but his books can tread into the horror lane! An unknown actress receives the role of a lifetime as the co-lead in a horror film by an acclaimed director, where she will share the stage with one of her favorite actresses. The only problem? They have to spend a week doing “research” on an island that is supposedly haunted. When cast members begin disappearing, all bets are off. This goes off the rails (in a delightful, twisty way). Really Liked It!

Read this if you loved: Any of Riley Sager’s books; this feels classic Sager, right up there with The Only One Left, Final Girls, and The House Across The Lake.

Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com

Love You More, by Emily Giffin

I was so excited to see that Emily Giffin had a new book. Her and Jane Green are the reason I fell in love with reading again in college. This is a delight, in line with her others. Billie is a successful doctor, living in New York and engaged to a man she adores after having to work really hard to get over her high school + college love. When her ex calls with tragic news, she’s catapulted back into that old world with old feelings and difficult decisions. This made me cry! Loved It!

Read this if you loved: The Light We Lost (the books are very different, but they tug on your heart in similar ways: read this if you want to have a good cry!)

Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com

Hollow Bones, by Jodi Picoult (out 9/15)

I will admit that I struggled for the first hundred pages of the book (nothing big, I was just a little bit bored, it deals with some pregnancy stuff and I just wasn’t interested) but then, boom — it whacked me over the head with something I just was not prepared for. In an instant, it became unputdownable! Molly Fitzgerald runs the Rhode Island Department for Emergency Preparedness, keeping the state safe from whatever disasters might occur. But when her own life is upended, everything implodes. Like most Jodi Picoult books, the less you know the better. Content warning for sexual abuse and postpartum psychosis. Loved It - definitely worth the pre-order

Read this if you loved: The Lies That Bind

Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com

The Divorce, by Freida McFadden

This was fast-paced and twisty, the perfect way to spend a Tuesday night (literally that’s what I did — I sat down with it after work and read it until I finished). Naomi’s life is perfect: married to the man of her dreams with a baby until . . . he locks her out of the house and takes up with a twenty-something-year-old, Veronica. She’s convinced that “Ronnie” is evil and will do anything — anything — to keep her family together. Really Liked It!

Read this if you loved: Any of Freida McFadden’s books. She has a formula. Straightforward writing and killer twists. This one is one of her better ones, in my opinion!

Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com