Nervous System Reset
How to feel human again when you are totally fried.
Last weekend was a big one. On Sunday, I hosted a party at my home for and her new novel. (It came out on Tuesday, and it’s truly the perfect beach read!) After the party, I had exactly 20 minutes to tidy up, then lay down on my bed in silence before dashing across town to interview her for a public-facing book tour event. After the talk, an audience Q&A, tons of photos, and Katie signing books, the bookseller wanted one last photo of the two of us. We snapped the pic but laughed because by that point, we were both totally cooked and looking a bit dead in the eyes.
I think one of the reasons Katie and I get along so well is that we are introverts in an industry that asks a lot of us, socially speaking. Prior to this weekend, the last time I saw her was in the fall. We were in New York for the launch of a good friend’s clothing line. It was a beautiful party and a wonderful night, but after maybe half an hour, she looked at me with glassy eyes and said, “I have to go!!” I laughed because I felt the same way. It was a huge relief. Everyone else looked like they were having so much fun, but I was hot and overstimulated. In a way, she gave me permission to leave as well. I snagged my best friend and we grabbed a cozy (quiet) dinner around the block.
Everyone in this industry seems to be doing the most, all the time. Am I a weirdo for not having FOMO? Should I want to be at parties or on brand trips? Am I missing a “fun” chip? Does everyone really enjoy this stuff, or are they doing it because they think they “should” be enjoying it? Having Katie as my friend makes me feel less like an alien.
The night before the party, we were talking about our nervous systems. (I guess that’s your forties for you!) She’d had a rough 24 hours and was about to dive headfirst into several weeks of book events. I nearly broke out in hives just hearing her schedule. She asked me what I do to reset my nervous system when I am feeling overloaded. I shared a few things that work for me. They range from virtuous (baths, reading in bed, avoiding alcohol, doing a 10-minute Headspace meditation) to less aspirational (THC gummies, lying on the floor and crying, yelling at the walls?).
My life is pretty easy in the scheme of things but I’ll often experience death by a thousand paper cuts (one small thing and then another small thing and then another small thing resulting in major nervous system overload). From there I will feel burned out, overwhelmed, overstimulated . . . a little bit twitchy. Cranky with my boyfriend, aggravated when someone asks me to do the smallest thing. When you are all out of sorts, when it feels like your nervous system has gone a little haywire, how do you get back to a calm and steady baseline?
Personally, the first thing I do to reset my nervous system is see no people. After our epic Sunday, I crawled home, did my skincare, put on my pajamas, and watched four episodes of a true crime documentary. The next day, I did make it to the gym (warning my trainer that I wouldn’t be chatty), but otherwise had the day to myself. No filming—only tasks that I enjoy (I spent the whole work on blog and Substack content). There is a huge amount of privilege in getting to be in charge of my whole day, and if I had a traditional job, “see no people” probably would not be an option. But it helped me reset big-time after Sunday.
Ideally, I let myself be a little bit messy on a see-no-people day. A shower is optional. Getting out of pajamas is also optional. It’s easier when the no-people day is on a weekend, for this reason, but in this case, a busy Sunday meant a slowed-down Monday.
Other ways I reset:
Baths are such a good thing. I love this one when I’m particularly anxious. It’s remarkable how much better you feel after 20 minutes. I’ll light a few candles, dim the lights, make my bathroom into a mini spa.
There really is something grounding about lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling.
Healthy habits. When I am feeling this sort of sensory overload, the temptation can be to hide out under a blanket and eat an entire order of crab rangoons (I might have done this on Sunday night), but I feel so much better if I eat nutritious foods, avoid alcohol, and get some movement (an evening walk with an audiobook or music counts!).
Legs up the wall. The lazy girl’s yoga pose! Lie down, get your butt as close to the wall as possible, extend your legs, and just hang out there for 10 minutes. This always works. It calms my nervous system, drains lymph, and feels so good, especially if I’ve been on my feet all day. Heaven.
Morning sunlight, first thing. I talked about my morning coffee routine, where I sit outside in my pajamas with a book and my journal. Morning light regulates your circadian rhythm and boosts the mood. Instant uplift.
Better boundaries. Saying no isn’t just good for your productivity, it’s good for your nervous system. I ask myself, “Will this deplete me or restore me?” before committing to anything.
Magnesium! I’m not a doctor, but I am a girl in her forties with three different kinds of magnesium in her nightstand. Magnesium glycinate has become my holy grail supplement—great for sleep, stress, and those mysterious body aches I now get.
Permission to stop doing a few things:
Keeping up with the group chat at all times. Most of mine are muted.
Replying immediately to emails and texts.
Forcing myself to “power through” when I am tired.
Thinking I have to earn my rest.
I think we sometimes forget that our nervous systems weren’t built for a breakneck pace, unrelenting noise, this constant everything. Resetting doesn’t have to mean a full lifestyle overhaul. It can be quiet and gentle. Lie down on the floor, get some sunlight, take a breath, and cancel that thing you didn’t want to go to anyway. Your nervous system will thank you!
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A review of Versed’s makeup line. Easily my favorite affordable brand.
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What I want right now: an extremely fun and colorful wish list.
Over the weekend, I finished Notes on Infinity, a debut by Austin Taylor. I really liked this, though it broke my heart multiple times (and was quite stressful to read at times). Zoe and Jack are two passionate Harvard students who find themselves dropping out of Harvard to found a biotech startup. By the time they are 24, they are running a massive brand, with the promise of creating a drug that will reverse aging. The company is valued at a billion dollars. But then, an accusation comes out that changes everything. Fans of Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow will love this. (Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com)
After that, I dived into The Last Ferry Out, by Andrea Bartz. I enjoyed this and read it very quickly. Abby’s fiancée, Eszter, was found dead in her Airbnb on a small island off the coast of Mexico, and Abby has questions. Abby heads to the island to find out. There, she befriends a group of expats. One night, her new friend Brady tells her she deserves to know the truth about Eszter. But then, Brady goes missing the next day. Abby begins to suspect that something sinister is happening. As she dives deeper into Eszter’s final days, secrets about her fiancée come to life, and she’s not sure who to believe. (Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com)
And then, the new Lisa Jewell book arrived! I am a Lisa Jewell superfan, and Don’t Let Him In is a treat. I dropped everything to read it. It’s a twisty thriller with an evil silver fox and a revolving door of wives and ex-wives. I couldn’t put it down and read it in just a few sittings. Jewell is one of my favorite authors, and this does not disappoint! (Order on Bookshop.org or Amazon.com)
Next up on my list is The Compound, by Aisling Rawle. I am only about 50 pages into it, but I’m enjoying it so far. Dystopian reality television, right up my alley! More to come.
I can so relate to your “death by a thousand cuts” analogy. It’s all the little things that add up to the point where I’m vibrating and ready to explode. And for what it’s worth, I think the way you describe feeling at social events can be attributed to your authenticity. Yes, you’re an introvert and social settings can be overwhelming, but you’re also so authentic and real and surrounded by fake, performative people at these events. That in itself is exhausting, not to mention boring for someone like you. The fake small talk is PAINFUL. No wonder you want to get the hell out of there!
Love this!! You are not missing a ‘fun’ chip. You are a person who knows yourself and your needs well!