A Pathological Need to Optimize Everything

What baking bread taught me about myself . . .

Recently, I’ve started baking bread. I am very much a beginner, and I started with focaccia as I’ve heard it’s the easiest. I use this recipe, if you’re curious.

I think this may be a new hobby. It began because I just loved the idea of being the friend who brings a loaf of fresh bread to dinner. I didn’t realize how much I would enjoy the process.

Baking bread appeals to all of my most control-freak tendencies. Carefully measuring the ingredients. Caring for the dough. And probably most importantly, sticking to the schedule. “If I want to serve the bread by 6, it has to be out of the oven by 5:30. In the oven at 5, which means the first rise should start at 1, which means . . .”

Some might find this part stressful, but me? I love this stuff.

And oh, the opportunities for optimization! How to make it easier. How to make the bread better. The first time I made dough, I felt like I didn’t mix it quite well enough by hand. A spatula attachment was ordered for the KitchenAid. Then, the dough dried out in the fridge ever so slightly, despite being slicked with olive oil and covered very tightly. A special glass bowl with an airtight lid was ordered. The second loaf turned out much better. A lot fluffier, a way better second rise. How gratifying!

I get a true rush from figuring out ways to do things better.

This could be a piece about overconsumption and buying things we don’t need in compulsive attempts to make our lives better. That’s not the case today. It could be, for another essay. The spatula attachment and lidded glass bowl are both things I use for other recipes, and the glass bowl is also perfect for storing a big salad. That’s absolutely not to say I’m not guilty of overconsumption—it’s just not the point of this piece.

The point here is that while baking bread, I got to thinking. (You have a lot of time to think between rises, and all that stirring.) I thought about optimizing, about my need to do something over and over again until it is perfect. My constant need for improving everything. When I say everything, I mean everything. It’s my toxic trait.

This is good, in some ways. I recognize my own limits and find workarounds. In fact, I was voted “space cadet” of my graduating high school class. I am not naturally very organized at all. But I need to be organized to get my job done. Through an elaborate system of Google Docs and calendar alerts, I have become organized. I am not very good at remembering birthdays and important dates. But I want to be thoughtful. So I work at it. Everything goes on my Google Calendar. Things like writing thank-you notes and checking in with a friend (say a parent is having surgery or something) go on my to-do list just like a work task. Through systems and optimization, I’ve become both organized and thoughtful. But neither comes effortlessly for me.

With work, it’s a never-ending cycle of batching tasks, setting timers so that I’ll be more productive. Figuring out ways to be more efficient, so that I can do more, more, more!

At home, I meticulously systemize my chores, from how the dishwasher is loaded to how the laundry is folded. Saturday is gardening + leaf blowing, Sunday is for laundry. There are timelines for everything. They aren’t written down, but they live in my head.

This year, I stressed hard about my holiday cards. When I needed to design, when I needed to order, when they would ship, and when they would arrive for me to address in time to get them out on Black Friday. And I did it. I got my holiday cards out on Black Friday. This was a big coup, because last year I didn’t get my cards out until the end of December, when they became New Year’s cards. (I know, this is perfectly acceptable!) I am simultaneously embarrassed for being so obsessive about a fairly frivolous task and really proud of myself because I was finally on time.

All of this to say that constantly optimizing is good, most of the time. I am a big fan of self-improvement, systems, and figuring out ways to do things better. I just want to make sure that:

1. I am optimizing the things that actually matter. It isn’t worth it to waste time optimizing things that aren’t going to bring me satisfaction and joy. And it isn’t worth stressing myself out; that’s not healthy!

2. It’s not coming from a place of fear. (This is a big thing for me—I constantly worry that I am going to fail and that no one will be able to help me; I am working on that.)

3. I take breaks and let myself actually relax.

Breaks. Because sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and be a lump. I don’t want to do my fancy skincare routine. I don’t want to check off to-do’s. I just want to sit in peace and quiet and not think. I want to watch the new Lindsay Lohan holiday movie and order Indian food. (This is what I did last Sunday and it was glorious!) These little breaks are what allow me to recharge. Without them, I couldn’t be my usual, productive self.

Life is a balance. Sometimes it’s good to let yourself totally relax. Sometimes, “good enough” really is good enough. Like they say, “perfection is the enemy of done”? Life won’t stop if the Christmas cards aren’t sent out on time; no one will actually care if you turn up to a party empty-handed. At the end of the day, relaxation is just as (and maybe even more) important as optimization.

I always have an audiobook on, and am a huge fan of Audible! In November, we talked about my favorite juicy business reads, and The Library has its own audiobook filter. If you are an Amazon Prime member, you can get your first three months of Audible Premium Plus for just $.99 per month! Membership includes a massive selection of new releases and bestsellers, plus unlimited listening to thousands of included Audible Originals, audiobooks, podcasts, and more. Learn more here.

if these outfits don’t get you into a festive mood, I don’t know what will!

Gift guide season continued!

• The best food-forward gifts! I always ask for consumables or things for my kitchen.

• The best gifts for the homebody.

• Irreverent gifts!

• My favorite luxury gifts. Always a dreamy one to put together.

Everything I read in November 2024. (This was a really fun month of books!)

Five REALLY FUN party outfits. I love them all!

this. was. so. good!

I finished reading Middle of the Night by Riley Sager and absolutely loved it. So much so that I literally stayed up into the middle of the night reading. A boy and his best friend camp in his backyard. The best friend is snatched, disappearing forever. 30 years later, the mystery remains unsolved. The boy, now a 40-something year old man, tries to figure out what happened. The ending had me in tears.

I also (finally!) finished Selling Sexy (the Victoria’s Secret audiobook). Absolutely loved it. It’s super juicy and well reported and made for a fabulous chores/walk/etc. companion. Highly recommend!

I started and finished The Goddess of Warsaw by Lisa Barr in just a couple days because I could not put it down. It is the perfect mash-up of old Hollywood glamour + WWII drama. Lena Browning is an old Hollywood starlet with a dark past as a spy during the war. It’s heartbreaking at times but an incredible story. Unputdownable. Passed my copy off to my mom immediately!

My next Audible listen is Momfluenced, by Sarah Petersen. This is really good. I am only about two hours in but I’m enjoying this deep-dive into the world of mommy bloggers. I love that she interviewed a few of my friends! I worried that it would be mean and/or snarky but it isn’t, at least so far!