On the expensive clothes- I feel this one. I used to do the same about hotels, wouldn’t post the places we were at for fear of judgment that the hotels were too expensive. But guess what? I love spending money on hotels and find it worth it. I am a hotel junkie and am leaning into it.
I feel the same way! I don’t want to travel and stay somewhere that feels less nice than my house. I want a big comfy bed, a bath, and nice room service.
Regarding employing people as an individual (in your home environment). You are providing someone with a job and the means to live. Without that they would have less work. And if you chose to lie in bed while they cleaned/steamed/pruned, that would also be ok. You are trading your money for their skills and time. This is the economy we currently live in. You are possibly literally helping to feed a person and that is something to be proud of, I think.
I turned 50 in January. I submitted my final manuscript for my first book to my publisher a few weeks later. A month before my birthday, a beloved aunt passed away quite unexpectedly. The combination of those three events really put everything into a new perspective for me. I've fully decided that, as the old saying goes, "if it's not a 'hell, yes!', then it's a "NO!'"
I'm right there with you on DNF books and influencer events that don't hold enough value to consume my day. I've specifically stopped saying yes to volunteer positions that I don't love or that feel like a chore. I've also looked at habits that no longer serve me -- I don't spend as much time color-coding my calendar as I used to. I'd rather spend time with my husband in the evenings than make sure my kitchen is spotless. And, I wear sneakers with dresses and skirts far more frequently these days!
I also HATE having my nails done these days. The chipping annoys me to no end.
I have decided I don't have to say yes to every invitation to hang out or go somewhere. I don't always have to be out doing something with other people. I felt like I needed to yes so people would like me/ obligation.
I love following your Substack Grace. Although your style mainly falls in a different income bracket than mine (late thirties, three children at home, part time worker) I still love following for inspiration. Also your book recommendations are 100% - did you recommend Welcome to the Hyunam Dong Bookshop? It was the best, like being with friends. Lastly, the note on not pouring too much into people that don’t reciprocate, I always sing “she’s a fan, she’s a fan” to my husband when talking about certain characters. When one has a full and joyful life, it is bound to attract, but some people want to share in it and some people want to take from it. Stay with the sharers! Xoxox, Bria!
As a person who works in the service industry, I will validate your choice to hire a housekeeper, gardener, and assistant. You are supporting (women) and (self employed). I consider it a form of generosity when people with wealth will share it in this particular way. Conversely I can resent a doctor or tech guy who mows his own lawn or does his own plumbing. Pay someone who needs the income and go lay down. Or read a book. 📚
I love this and it resonates so well with me - you’re reading my mind! Everytime I wear or do something boujee I’m like: “but what if others will judge me?” but on the other hand “I worked damn hard for this LV bag!” - a constant battle.
And also - taking a beat before saying yes to something - preach 🙌🏼
In addition to not apologizing for my own success, I am no longer trying to help others get their financial shit in order when they don't actually have the desire to prioritize it.
I used to stress way too much about my friends dire financial situations, but they all make good money, go on amazing vacations, buy nice things. I had to accept, some people are okay living precarious financial lives. And that's not my concern!
Now I love my friends for their strengths and if they say yes to the trip, I do not worry myself with how they are affording it. Acceptance is an amazing gift I have given myself.
Our lists are virtually identical w/ one exception. Gel manicures have become a little luxury for me - down time where I can't scroll or phone - and they hold up beautifully. After years of bare nails it's become a fun thing. But otherwise all I can say it I just wish I had but all of this together sooner. I was probably in my 60's before I got the note! Love this piece!
Staying at parties past the point when I actually want to be there--and feeling guilty about wanting to leave! I now politely excuse myself at the exact moment I've had enough. No excuses given!
On the expensive clothes- I feel this one. I used to do the same about hotels, wouldn’t post the places we were at for fear of judgment that the hotels were too expensive. But guess what? I love spending money on hotels and find it worth it. I am a hotel junkie and am leaning into it.
I feel the same way! I don’t want to travel and stay somewhere that feels less nice than my house. I want a big comfy bed, a bath, and nice room service.
Yassss! I am also an architect and I think spaces matter (at least to me) and am much happier to be in a well thought out space!
Agree!!!
THIS LIST. I am looking out at the skyline trying to figure out where you are “out there” because I just wanna shout yayyyyy in your direction
haha thank you xoxoxo
Regarding employing people as an individual (in your home environment). You are providing someone with a job and the means to live. Without that they would have less work. And if you chose to lie in bed while they cleaned/steamed/pruned, that would also be ok. You are trading your money for their skills and time. This is the economy we currently live in. You are possibly literally helping to feed a person and that is something to be proud of, I think.
Thank you for this. xx
I turned 50 in January. I submitted my final manuscript for my first book to my publisher a few weeks later. A month before my birthday, a beloved aunt passed away quite unexpectedly. The combination of those three events really put everything into a new perspective for me. I've fully decided that, as the old saying goes, "if it's not a 'hell, yes!', then it's a "NO!'"
I'm right there with you on DNF books and influencer events that don't hold enough value to consume my day. I've specifically stopped saying yes to volunteer positions that I don't love or that feel like a chore. I've also looked at habits that no longer serve me -- I don't spend as much time color-coding my calendar as I used to. I'd rather spend time with my husband in the evenings than make sure my kitchen is spotless. And, I wear sneakers with dresses and skirts far more frequently these days!
Oh my word, what a list. Loved reading and nodding wildly at all the ways I resonate.
I am so happy it resonated!
I'm over wearing tight clothing.
me too!
Attempting June Baby = resorting to #6 on your list for me :-). I am glad it was a Libby library book!
I also HATE having my nails done these days. The chipping annoys me to no end.
I have decided I don't have to say yes to every invitation to hang out or go somewhere. I don't always have to be out doing something with other people. I felt like I needed to yes so people would like me/ obligation.
yes! Good for you!!!!
I love following your Substack Grace. Although your style mainly falls in a different income bracket than mine (late thirties, three children at home, part time worker) I still love following for inspiration. Also your book recommendations are 100% - did you recommend Welcome to the Hyunam Dong Bookshop? It was the best, like being with friends. Lastly, the note on not pouring too much into people that don’t reciprocate, I always sing “she’s a fan, she’s a fan” to my husband when talking about certain characters. When one has a full and joyful life, it is bound to attract, but some people want to share in it and some people want to take from it. Stay with the sharers! Xoxox, Bria!
Haha, I love this mentality! Xo
As a person who works in the service industry, I will validate your choice to hire a housekeeper, gardener, and assistant. You are supporting (women) and (self employed). I consider it a form of generosity when people with wealth will share it in this particular way. Conversely I can resent a doctor or tech guy who mows his own lawn or does his own plumbing. Pay someone who needs the income and go lay down. Or read a book. 📚
Thank you for that validation! xx
Regarding #13: I would totally hire a cleaner if it didn’t feel so daunting to pre-clean and then leave the house at a certain time each week
Haha I get it, the pre-clean is no joke!
I love this and it resonates so well with me - you’re reading my mind! Everytime I wear or do something boujee I’m like: “but what if others will judge me?” but on the other hand “I worked damn hard for this LV bag!” - a constant battle.
And also - taking a beat before saying yes to something - preach 🙌🏼
In addition to not apologizing for my own success, I am no longer trying to help others get their financial shit in order when they don't actually have the desire to prioritize it.
I used to stress way too much about my friends dire financial situations, but they all make good money, go on amazing vacations, buy nice things. I had to accept, some people are okay living precarious financial lives. And that's not my concern!
Now I love my friends for their strengths and if they say yes to the trip, I do not worry myself with how they are affording it. Acceptance is an amazing gift I have given myself.
love that!
this was such a great read! thank you for sharing and YGG!
thank you!
Our lists are virtually identical w/ one exception. Gel manicures have become a little luxury for me - down time where I can't scroll or phone - and they hold up beautifully. After years of bare nails it's become a fun thing. But otherwise all I can say it I just wish I had but all of this together sooner. I was probably in my 60's before I got the note! Love this piece!
Staying at parties past the point when I actually want to be there--and feeling guilty about wanting to leave! I now politely excuse myself at the exact moment I've had enough. No excuses given!